Bicker Blog

Ladies and gentlemen of the internet.....

First things first.

I don't like computers. Ever since I saw Terminator 2, I've been scared to death of trusting these things. If i want information, I get it the old fashioned way - by asking a hobo. 

Now since I am contractually obligated to blog on this site, that means I have to do two things: one, I must look up what blog means. Two, I must write about something I am passionate about: my hatred of Ben.

I know what you're thinking: Burman hates Ben? Well, just between me and you, internet people, it's true. Why do I hate Ben, you ask? The same reason I hate the letter Q - he doesn't make sense. 

Here's a prime example: his favorite food is chicken parmesan. I have been his best friend for years, and I have never seen him eat chicken parmesan! How the hell is that your favorite food? I ask him, "why don't you eat it" and every time he says "I'm not in the mood." Eight-legged chipmunks doing algebra on the moon make more sense than that.

Here is something that I hope will make you hate him too: We went to the Olive Garden the other day (unlimited breadsticks!). Now Ben knows I've been having a rough couple of years when it comes to money, so naturally, I told him to put it on my tab. The bill was $32.68 and he tipped the waitress 4 dollars and fifty cents! Not even fifteen percent! And she was a great waitress. She refilled my Diet Coke four times.

He doesn't share his Wheat Thins, he cheats when we play basketball, and he won't go to waterparks cause he hates children and old people.

But you see, internet people, to hate someone is not enough. Hate is pointless without action. That is why I am making a vow to all of you, internet nerds of the world, that I will continue to make my heterosexual life partner's life a living hell until he learns to stop being such a weirdo elf-man and gets in touch with the real world. The world of Burman.

Now get off the internet and go outside for the love of god. Seriously, get a life, quit reading blogs, and talk to some girls. You are nerds.

P.S. While writing this blog, I wasn't wearing pants and I will continue to not wear pants in the future.